One of the things that I miss about the days when I was a twit is the way I thought about the big picture. I was convinced that I was destined for Great Things, and so I looked at life accordingly. I did not worry about the day to day running around -- I knew that my path was the Path of Progress, and the trivial details of the day (a test, a game, homework, whatever) were merely put there to give me an amusing story to tell at some point down the road to appreciative audiences during my prime time speeches.
At some point, alas, I lost my sense of certainty about the destiny of Great Things. Maybe this sense was part and parcel of my twitishness, and if it was, well, so be it. But I have become one of those people who spends their life putting out fires. As a lawyer, we clean up the messes of others (as Michael Clayton noted, we are janitors), and it is easy to fall into a reactive mindset. I feel like a boxer who has lost his jab and who only knows how to counter punch.
So, I'm going to try to get back into the mindset I had in those halcyon days of youth. I've started by watching some episodes of "Hogan's Heroes" tonight. And I didn't drink Manhattans back then, but fuck it -- I ain't going back to grape Kool-Aid or Yoo-hoos at this point.
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2 comments:
Let us know how it goes. I'm going through the litigator's mindset as well, these days. That can make it difficult to be an upbeat freewheelin' optimist when you make your living by trying to resolve problems because everything went to hell.
Bob Crane re-acquaints you with your youth? Or do you mean your sexual habits?*
The grass is always greener. I won't quibble with the notion that being a litigator narrows you in ways one would never anticipate or ever tolerate were he to realize the imminent affliction facing him entering the career. But face it, Not Jackson, that you're thinking about that malady means that you haven't been whipped, and probably can't be. It's the guy who buys into the superficialities and forgets the things you haven't who's been beaten. He just doesn't know it. But he will, someday.
As to the rest of your comments, any endeavor viciously monetized becomes thankless toil on at least some level. You know the rest.
My favorite Neil quote would have to be "Why do I keep fuckin' up?"
*"Auto-Focus" is a great flick. What ever happened to Greg Kinnear?
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